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Sunday, February 22, 2009

How Do You Say I Love You?

As we grow up, get married, have children. We learn …

We learn that every person is different; every person gives and receives differently. Each in his own way and own time.

Through the course of my children’s lives I’ve said I love you. That’s a given, right? But at different times in their lives I’ve found it necessary to expound on it. Make it better, not just a show of affection and “love” I’d give anyone else. I’ve tried to make it special.

Each given their own special “I Love You” from mom.

With my oldest daughter, when she was 2, I began telling her in the lowest Berry White voice my high pitched tone could muster…”I loooooooove you” and it stuck…still, to this today I will say her name in a way that she automatically knows what’s coming…she’ll be 20 in 3 months.

My oldest son, who isn’t very affectionate…I’d often say I love you with no special voice or wording that was all ours until he came down with a rare illness, Achalasia. Then I suggested we get our special way to say it. Those words no adolescent boy wants his friends to hear him say! We came up with this famous line, that I’d remembered from my own childhood of cartoon watching…Eep, Oop, Oo, Ah ah…that means I love you…from an episode of the Jetsons. I think this may have helped him and me too. I had always wanted to raise a strong, independent man and so I didn’t spend too much time cuddling and being too “lovey dovey”. But we have our “thing” now and even when I forget…he remembers. We hug and kiss and say “Eep, Oop” all the time now.

Then there’s my youngest daughter, the sweet affectionate one, that always wants my husband and I to be proud of her. The one that followed me around the house; she was my shadow…and so from the age of about 18 months we’d sing…Me and my shaaaaadow. I’d begin and she’d finish it. But she couldn’t pronounce her “sh” at the time and would say “haaaaadow”. She’s big now growing up, changing, moody, and not so affectionate anymore (those darn teenage years). But we have our thing too..”Olive Juice” (sounds like I love you). My mom shared that phrase from some movie or another and it fit ..and it has stuck… Now when I drop her off at school each morning we try to beat eachother saying Olive Juice. She said it first this morning, but I did yesterday and the day before.

Then there’s the baby…he’s only six. A mama’s boy in the truest sense of the word. He runs in the door from school and straight to my arms for a hug. At bed time we snuggle and read. Sometimes Im not in the mood for his rubs and hugs and will ask him to scoot over a bit and his reply is always…”But I looooove you”. That’s his reply for everything; sleep in your own bed…"but I looooove you"; Im going to the store. "Can I go?"..not this time.."but I loooooove you". Well this morning as I went to wake him for school, something just slid off my tongue as I kissed his cheek and rubbed his back …Skinna Marinky Dinky Dink, Skinna Marinky Doooo…I love you. Every time I said it, with eyes still closed he smiled, so I kept going. Then he began to hum along with me. There are no words to describe the joy I found in this simple act of waking my son for school, but it did. (note: It has always been important for me to wake them in a way that is not startling or jarring; a way that will allow them to awaken happily, so that their day will continue in that fashion).


And so this morning, I have completed the last of my personal I love you’s for each of my children.

For my husband …we've always said I love you but with time it has become second nature, just something you say, as usual. Well, we’ve recently began taking it a step further. Instead of just saying I love you, we give a reason why as well…”I love you because you are understanding and patient”. Things like that, are the things we say to each other now and it has actually brought us closer together, affirms our love for one another (and ourselves), in case we had forgotten why. It has acted as a gust of wind that stirs the fire and keeps it from dying out. Each time I say I love you now he not only hears it, but I feel it, deep down in my heart.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

GREAT!!!

Marry Us! said...

Aww that is soooo special! I know the kids will cherish those moments as well!